


Nocturgenda Consilia

by orphan_account



Series: Mutatis Mutandis [3]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Developing Relationship, Doubt, Introspection, Jealousy, M/M, Relationship Problems, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-05 04:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4165908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper reads Bill’s FBI file while Bill is away hunting Preston Northwest and Tad Strange, when he comes across a name. The question is: Who is Evanescence Mthethwa? And does Dipper really want to be with Bill – even if it means losing other things?</p><p><i>nocturgenda consilia</i> - lat. 'to consult with one's pillow', 'to sleep on it'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nocturgenda Consilia

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little interludium to bridge the gap between "Tangens, Secans" and the actual sequel.
> 
> Enjoy!

▲▼▲

Sunrise was a strange thing. From space, Dipper reckoned, the line between day and night must seem crisp and sharp. It could be traced with a marker, were it not constantly moving. But here, on the ground, it was the slow drag of a draft. The inhaling of smoke through a filter and constricted airways. It was the languid opening of a rosebud at the first touch of light. The burn of alcohol on an empty stomach.

Dawn was a strange thing. A thing in between, nothing real, ungraspable like the fog of a fall morning. Dipper felt like this, then, as he sat on his old bed in the Mystery Shack. He considered this his home since his and Mabel’s first summer in Gravity Falls. It was neither Piedmont nor Portland that could keep him, though they were clearer places, with clearer names in his heart.

Piedmont was where they were born, where they grew up. Bright and warm as day.

Portland was where he became a man. His computer and his desk were there. He’d trained there. He met Bill there. And always it was colorless as the night.

In Gravity Falls everything seemed more intense, while also being almost pleasantly blurry. He could not define home, and he could not define Gravity Falls. Synonyms of a meaning too broad to be put into mere words.

He wondered where Bill’s home was. The house near Las Cruces, New Mexico where he grew up? One of the countless places he’d visited when he was leading the cartel? Portland? Or wherever he was now?

Dipper sighed and turned around so he could look out the triangular window. Only a thin sliver of light heralded the sun yet, half-hidden behind the dark tree tops in the east.

With another sigh he looked at the file folder spread open in his lap. After the shooting at the Northwest LumberBall, and as a consequence of Bill going off grid, Dipper had been suspended from both field and desk work and sent off on paid leave until they decided what part he’d played and whether or not he was innocent. There was an internal investigation into the task force that employed Bill despite knowing he was a worldwide known and wanted criminal. The very same task force that was now trying very hard to capture Bill, and that kept Dipper under surveillance.

He smiled, knowing they would never catch Bill, not if he wanted to evade them. He’d even sneaked Dipper some messages, and this file folder, right under their noses. The sly bastard.

That had been two weeks ago, the day Mabel was discharged from the hospital. A nurse had handed it to Dipper, masked as a medical file. But the little black, equilateral triangle scrawled in the bottom right corner of the folder told Dipper exactly what this was. The symbol had become something of a code between them, to verify the source of the messages Bill sent Dipper. He regarded it with more fondness than Bill’s actual signature. It was something only the two of them shared, and it was ingenious in its beautiful simplicity.

Since then he had read almost everything up to the year and month Dipper had been assigned to Bill as his apprentice. The reports on the horrible trauma of his childhood sounded so cold and inhuman he barely skimmed them. It was enough to give him nightmares for several nights. The entries following his arrest, trial and integration into the ranks of the FBI were mechanical, often in legalese, and honestly quite boring. They yielded nothing of interest, and gave Dipper no real insight into a young, twenty-something-year-old Bill’s mind. Until he happened across a name.

 _Evanescence Mthethwa_.

It was the first name mentioned in the whole file, apart from Bill’s parents’ names, Constantin Cipher and Genesis Noriega-Cipher. Because apparently not even the FBI knew about Tad Strange, Bill’s twin, who had been separated from him right after they were born.

The only conclusion Dipper could draw was that this Evanescence had to be family. No one else would be named, not even arresting officers or supervisors. Not even Bill could get Dipper the file where nothing was blotted out because it was classified. Ergo, Evanescence could be a grandmother or an aunt. She could be another lost sibling, or a cousin. She could be a wife, a lover.

Dipper had stopped reading three days ago – the day he came upon Evanescence Mthethwa’s name. He didn’t want to know who she was, to Bill. He did not want his burgeoning feelings for him – alright, his _inappropriately strong_ and _romantic_ feelings for Bill – get crushed by having to read about the love of his life. Or that he had family after all.

In his head he had often envisioned what it would be like to … be with Bill. He thought about what kinds of dates they would go on. He wondered what they would fight about. He’d touched himself to the memories of Bill’s kisses, coming, eventually, with Bill’s name whispered on a choked out breath. What if his longing was all for nothing? What if there was already someone in Bill’s heart, and Dipper, who had fallen too fast and too hard, would only get disappointed?

He didn’t think he could bear it, and for the last three days the jealousy had nearly shredded his heart. He didn’t even know who she was, or who she was to Bill, and already he felt fury and envy and pain nearly as strong as the desperation he’d felt when he thought Mabel might die.

It worried him, to be truthful. He didn’t want to love Bill that much that the mere threat of someone else could make him lash out at Grunkle Stan for merely inquiring after his day. It wasn’t fair, not when Bill was somewhere, far away, probably not even thinking about Dipper.

But then. Bill wouldn’t have given him a file where her name wasn’t blotted out if he didn’t want Dipper to know about her. But did Dipper want to know who she was?

Taking a deep breath he closed the folder and tucked it under his mattress. Maybe he wanted to know about her. But he didn’t need to. Not yet. Not like this, when he was trembling with an unnamed emotion that seized his heart and made him feel lightheaded.

He should get some more sleep. Things would look better after a few hours of rest.

▲▼▲

He had to know.

Mabel, who had been irritable for the last weeks, since she was bed-bound, nearly bit off his head when he shouted at her. Just because she asked him to get her … something. He didn’t even remember what. It was pathetic.

“Sorry, Mabes,” he murmured from the door to Mabel’s room, shuffling his feet.

“Aw, bro-bro,” she said, muffled due to her clotted nose. She’d been crying, he knew. He made her cry. He was an awful brother.

“I didn’t mean to, to shout at you, I’m just …” He made an aborted gesture, keeping himself from simultaneously tugging at his fringe and his binder.

“Is it because of that file you’re reading?”

Surprised he looked at Mabel.

“How did you …?”

“It’s Bill’s, isn’t it? You’re obsessing over him.” Her eyes were hard, accusing. She hadn’t taken it well when Dipper told her that he and Bill weren’t really a couple. At least, they hadn’t been when they first arrived. Mabel didn’t like that he lied to her, and he understood, but …

“That’s none of your business,” he said.

“Yes it is!” She huffed and wiggled, trying to get into a seated position. He didn’t dare step up and help her. “You’re my brother. My twin. We’re each other’s business!”

“I’m not prying into your relationship with Pacifica,” he pointed out.

“That’s … It’s complicated,” she grumbled, hissing when her wound was jostled.

“Well, it’s complicated between me and Bill too. Even more so, if I dare say so. With you and Pacifica it’s just post-friendship, not-yet-girlfriends awkwardness. But with me and Bill there’s all this history, that we were faking our relationship at first, and the fact that he’s probably on the other side of the world right now, where I can’t talk to him and figure things out, alright?”

He crossed his arms, breathing hard. Mabel looked downcast, but softer.

“I know, Dippy, and I’m sorry too. But you shouldn’t have accused me of being lazy and bossy.”

“I know. But you shouldn’t have told me to get lost either.”

They tentatively grinned at each other then.

“Awkward sibling hug?” Mabel asked quietly, holding out her arms as far as she could without pulling at her stitches.

“Awkward sibling hug.”

Breathing in the soothing, familiar scent of his sister’s hair, mixed with a sharp medical smell helped Dipper calm down some more. This was his sister, his twin. This was home, too.

“Wanna tell me more about what’s upsetting you?” Mabel asked after a while, and they disentangled themselves carefully. Dipper remained perched on the edge of Mabel’s bed, thoughtful.

“Yeah. Maybe you can help me with something. Wait a minute, okay?”

He went upstairs to retrieve the file folder from under his mattress and brought it back to Mabel’s room.

“Are you sure he’d want me to read this?” Mabel asked, pulling back her hands when he tried to give it to her.

“I don’t want you to read everything, just a passage. I … couldn’t do it. Wait.” He opened the file and flipped a few pages, until he found the page marked with the name ‘Evanescence Mthethwa’. Then he handed it to Mabel.

“Is it something gory? Because I don’t think I want to read about Bill … doing things like that,” she said quietly, not looking at it.

“I don’t think so. It’s about a woman, and I …” Dipper swallowed and looked away. “It’s silly, but …”

“You think she … he was in love with her?”

Nodding, and feeling slightly better at the soft tone in his sister’s voice he nudged the file.

“Read it, and tell me what it says.”

Mabel gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand reassuringly before holding up the folder. Dipper carefully watched her expression as she was reading, but she didn’t give anything away.

“And?” he croaked when she closed the file and laid it in her lap.

“It’s not what you think,” she said, “but I don’t know whether you will like this, either.”

“So, who is she?”

Mabel took his hand and looked him in the eyes searchingly. Apparently she saw something satisfactory, because she nodded.

“She’s Bill’s daughter.”

“She … what?”

Mabel nodded again, lifting her hand to stroke Dipper’s cheek once.

“It says here that her mother used to be part of the cartel, and Bill was using her as an asset for the FBI. She got pregnant, but she died when she gave birth to the baby. They gave the girl to the mother’s parents. Apparently, Bill has visitation rights, and he’s visited her once a month since she was just a few months old. There’s a log that keeps track of his visits.”

Hurt, confused and relieved at the same time, Dipper blinked, trying to sort his thoughts.

“Um … How old is she?”

“Six years old, I think.” Mabel opened the file again. “Yes, six. She’ll be in first grade this fall, and apparently she shows an aptitude towards math – how does that work? – but has problems with English language skills. Hm. She’s learned some Spanish from Bill, but the grandparents only speak broken English and … Zulu?”

Amazed at the detailed log the FBI had kept on the little girl and also a bit horrified by that, Dipper took the file from Mabel.

“How curious. I read that Bill has a Zulu heritage from his father’s side. Maybe his father and the mother’s family were friends or something.”

The file didn’t provide a picture, or Dipper would have realized sooner who Evanescence Mthethwa was. Even so, there wasn’t much that told him about the girl, apart from hard facts. It also told him nothing about how Bill felt about her. Was she a burden to him, a bad reminder of the girl’s mother, who remained unnamed? Or did he genuinely love her, looking forward to the monthly visits?

“What are you thinking?”

Dipper didn’t answer her immediately, tracing a finger along the visitation log. Like a clockwork, Bill seemed to have visited his daughter towards the end of each month, for two days. He felt like if he compared the dates to a calendar, it would show him that Bill always spent weekends with her. The log said he wasn’t allowed to stay with her longer than 48 hours, and every time he seemed to have used those 48 hours to the last minute. The log also told him that she lived in Salem, about one and a half hours drive south of Portland. But if one was Bill, the drive was probably just an hour.

“Dipper, no.”

“What?” he mumbled and looked up from the file.

“You’re not going to search for that poor girl. She has nothing to do with … all of this.” She made a wide motion indicating Dipper, the file and probably all of the Shack, but winced when her stitches got pulled. “You need to talk to Bill first.”

“Oh, and when’s that gonna be, hmm?”

“He’s sent you messages, right? Keeping you up to date with his search for those assholes. Can’t you reply?”

“I guess, but it’s supposed to be for emergencies only. Like if Mr. Northwest sicced some guys on us, or maybe to warn him if the FBI found him. I can’t just … ask.”

“Then you have to wait. You can’t leave either way – or have you forgotten that you’re being monitored by the FBI?”

“I’m probably going to quit anyway.”

“Dipper, no!” Mabel winced and reached out to him. “You can’t throw everything away for him.”

“It’s all ruined anyway, isn’t it? Even if they let me stay, there will always be suspicion, and I’d have to lie to them about Bill. I don’t want to do that, Mabes.” He sighed and gently rubbed his thumbs over the knuckles of her hands in his.

“You’re an honest guy, I get that. And I get why Bill is looking for Preston Northwest and his evil twin. But … why can’t you turn him in? Why can’t you tell the truth? Wouldn’t they understand? You would get to keep your job, and you wouldn’t have to lie about Bill,” she whispered hopefully.

“They’d just throw him in jail for violating what was basically his parole. He was only allowed to, for example, see his daughter as long as he was loyal to the FBI, if I understand it correctly,” Dipper explained.

“But isn’t the FBI looking for Tad and Mr. Northwest too? Why couldn’t Bill just stay and let them handle it?” Mabel asked, whining a bit, as if everything seemed unfair to her. It probably did.

“Okay, I don’t know his _exact_ reasoning, but one: Tad is a pretty personal problem. I don’t think he’d want anyone else to take him down but him. Also he hurt you. And me, by extension. Which made it even more personal. And two: Like he said, the FBI is a huge apparatus that works within the realms of laws and paperwork, and we didn’t have the time to either call in our superiors or follow the rules. Also, there would have been an injunction, he’d have gotten suspended and maybe even court martialed for shooting those guards. Maybe they’d have declared his deal with the FBI null and void and he’d have gone to jail anyway.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, if you still want to quit, fine. But you won’t go and look for Bill’s daughter, period. I’m injured and I need you here at the Shack to pamper me silly,” Mabel said seriously, but her brown eyes glittered mirthfully.

“Yeah, alright,” Dipper laughed and leaned forward to rest his chin on his sister’s shoulder.

After a while they both dropped their heads on Mabel’s pillow, and they ended up wrapped around each other like they used to when they were little. It wasn’t late yet, but Mabel’s injury and Dipper’s restless mind had tired them both out, so it wasn’t that surprising when Grunkle Stan found them later blacked out, snoring and slobbering over each other.

▲▼▲

The summer passed by them like a storm cloud. They had barbecues, worked in the gift shop, went to the doctor for check-ups, got used to FBI agents following Dipper everywhere, and re-watched all the episodes of “The Duchess Approves”, “Duck-tective” and all the sequels to “Help! My Mummy’s a Werewolf”. Bill only sporadically sent Dipper messages to assure them he was still alive and in pursuit. Dipper never asked about his daughter.

August ended, and the twins celebrated their 28th birthday with an epic laser tag battle. September came with Grenda and Marius’ announcement that they were going to get married on Halloween, after more than fifteen years of dating, and five years of engagement. With the beginning of September came also Dipper’s newfound freedom, after the FBI finally cleared him of all suspicions, and his prompt resignation. He didn’t regret returning his badge and weapon, but he did regret having to go to Portland to clear out his desk and apartment. He felt nostalgia rising up in him as he threw away a pack of chewing gums, half-empty, remembering how Bill always came and stole them from him. Other than the memories though he wasn’t going to miss anything. The farewell from his former colleagues was strained, as they hadn’t seen each other for months, and they had been investigating Dipper in the meantime. He was relieved to hand over his apartment keys to his landlord, and to drive back to Gravity Falls with only a few boxes worth of chunk heavier than before.

The night after he slept better than he could remember sleeping for a very long time, and he woke up feeling refreshed and ready to start something new. That feeling dissipated like smoke when he checked his messages, finding one from Bill in the secret inbox.

 _The matter is taken care of._ ▲

“Dip-Dop?”

“Mabes,” he replied automatically, still staring at the words on his screen and feeling slightly nauseous. Did this mean Bill had killed his brother and Preston Northwest? Were there going to be headlines tomorrow, mourning the billionaire and philanthropist’s death? Would Pacifica want to bury her father in Gravity Falls?

“Dipper! Oh my god, are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he choked out. “I think I should talk to Pacifica. Is she … Did she stay the night?”

“Yes, she’s having breakfast downstairs,” Mabel answered softly. He felt her small hand on his shoulder and closed his eyes.

“God, I don’t know …”

“Come on, let’s get it over with.”

They went downstairs hand in hand, and Dipper gave her a kiss on the cheek before they went into the kitchen, where Pacifica was neatly eating her pancakes.

“Oh, hey you two,” she said with an air of boredom.

“Pacifica.”

She looked up from her meal, eyes wide, limbs unnaturally still.

“Um, I heard from Bill,” Dipper started, suddenly feeling like his throat was too dry. “He said that … it was taken care of.”

Pacifica breathed in sharply and closed her eyes.

Dipper hastily continued: “I don’t know what exactly that means though, so we’ll have to wait for more information, but-“

“The man I used to call my father was dead to me anyway, once he ordered that madman to hurt Mabel,” Pacifica’s cold voice cut in, and her eyes were open once more, boring into Dipper’s with a sharp fierceness. “I’d actually prefer it if I’d never have to see his ugly, lying face again.”

Dipper swallowed noisily and nodded, but all he could think of was Bill, teeth bared and bloody, kneeling over a mutilated body in some dark alley.

Not wanting to listen to Mabel soothing her maybe-girlfriend Dipper retreated into the attic room and went back to bed, suddenly feeling too tired and heavy for anything else.

Maybe a few hours of sleep would make everything seem a bit better.

▲▼▲

October brought preparations for Halloween and the big, fat von Fundshauser wedding. Dipper got to know Marius a bit better during the weeks leading up to the event, as he and the groom were excluded from all the girl activities, which involved Grenda as the bride, Candy as her bridesmaid, and Mabel, Pacifica and Wendy as her maids of honor. Marius seemed happy to leave the ladies to the preparations, and Dipper started screaming every time someone mentioned flowers, cake, dresses or music. No, he was glad he got to share a beer in the backyard with Marius, Soos and Grunkle Stan.

“I am very fortunate to have found such beauty this far from my Heimatland,” Marius mused one evening, as they steadfastly ignored the creeping cold of fall that settled in as soon as the sun started setting. They were manly men, and they did not get cold, so they sat on the bench outside, still in summer wear. Dipper really regretted not bringing his trusted blue vest, but alas.

“It’s a once-a-lifetime chance,” Stan surprisingly agreed, and Soos nodded sagely. It would have looked very wise, had he not been trying to grow out a beard in an attempt to look manlier. Melody was visiting to attend the wedding, and he wanted to propose to her, as he’d confided in Dipper. Apparently he wanted to look as mature as he could for the occasion, but he only looked like a hastily shorn, brown sheep with patchy wool.

Dipper, feeling a bit more melancholy, frowned at his empty beer.

“How did you know?” he asked, and elaborated when Marius made an inquisitive noise: “How did you know Grenda was the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? That she’s … the One.”

“She impressed me when we were children, and I was intrigued because she was so different,” Marius started slowly, though not because he was searching for words. Over the years his English had become very proficient, and nearly accent-less. “I got to know her better, and it became clear she completed me in ways I have never felt with anyone else. I love her very much, and I know she loves me in return. We are partners in every way, and I could not imagine living without her to brighten my days.”

“Hmm.”

Dipper lay awake that night, thinking about Bill, and whether it felt the way Marius described it. Yes, they were pretty opposite, but he didn’t think they … complimented each other like Grenda and Marius did. Were they even in love? Dipper knew he was attracted to Bill on multiple levels. But while he missed him right this moment, he didn’t need Bill the way Marius seemed to need Grenda. She was crucial to his happiness, while Bill was actually a source of unhappiness, danger and possibly sorrow for them all. No, his possible relationship with Bill would never be the picture perfect fairy-tale happy end that the von Fundshausers had. And he decided that it didn’t need to be.

With that thought he drifted off to sleep, dreaming about sunsets, his fingers tangled in wild curls, and a golden eye watching him with a burning intensity.

▲▼▲

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you thought :)
> 
> The actual sequel might take a while though, since a) I'm very busy atm and b) I want to have it all written before I post it in one bulk like Tangens, Secans. Also, hit me up on tumblr, my main blog is llaevateinn.tumblr.com, and my sideblog for my original writing is torntogether-author.tumblr.com!


End file.
